1 post tagged “25 things”

From Kristine... List 25 things you want to say to others.  Don't mention their names.  It doesn't need discussion.  Random order.

1. If you're calling me after 10 pm, it had best be a frickin' emergency.
2. Please don't try to control the way I do my job.  You wouldn't have asked me the question if you knew how to find the answer yourself, so just trust me on this one. 
   
3. Please don't chew gum loudly, or touch it, or clamp it between your teeth when talking to me.  It's foul.
4. People who are walking take longer to get places than people who are driving.  Therefore, when pedestrians are taking their turn to cross, you are an asshole if you creep up into the crosswalk and make the person feel like they need to sprint across the street.  Also, if there is a painted crosswalk on the street and you see someone waiting to cross, slow the fuck down and let them traverse the damn road already.
5. Please don't talk loudly on your cell phone or your bluetooth whatever in the library, particularly when you are having arguments or using a computer that is ten inches away from the person sitting next to you.  Who raised you people?
6. Please don't go to a Thai restaurant and then complain that there is a modicum of spiciness to the food.  If you want no spice, go to McDonald's or The Old Spaghetti Factory.
7. Stop blaming everybody else when your shit goes awry.  That's all you.
8. When I say hi to you at my job, I am not hitting on you.  I am greeting you like the customer service oriented librarian that I am.
9. Please don't ask me to help you with the printer when you are using the library's resources to print hardcore porn shots.  I do not savor assisting you in these matters, and you've already got 25 other versions of the same printout to keep you company tonight.
10. What compelled you to buy a scale?  Do you enjoy seeing me suffer with that thing in the room?
11. Please don't try to dictate what I do with myself in my free time.  It is not unethical of me to march in a Gay Pride parade simply because I work in a library.  I practice diligent neutrality at work, but I am allowed to have my own set of ethics when I walk out the library door.
12. Impatience sucks.  Wait your turn.
13. You frighten me.
14. Believe it or not, you don't know everything the minute you hit thirteen years of age.  I used to think that too when I was thirteen, and I was also mistaken.
15. You could have told me that fifteen minute story in about three minutes if you had gotten to the point like a normal person.  You should practice that some.
16. You have an urgent need to have others pay attention to you.  Did something happen to you in your childhood to make you that way?
17. Please stop dragging the kitty litter out of the box.  It's really disgusting.
18. I'm really tired of watching the Lord of the Rings movies over and over.  Can we perhaps try something else?
19. I know my frickin' student loan is late.  Stop calling me five times a day.  If I could pay you right now to get you off my back, you know I would.
20. You are more than the music you listen to, the movies you watch, and the books you read.
21. You should work on making your face more neutral so that you don't look like such a bitch all the time.  I'm betting you're probably not as mean as you look.
22. You don't look boho when you fail to wash your hair for multiple days in a row.  You look dirty.
23. I really like you.  Why don't you want to be my friend?
24. I can feel your disapproval sometimes, and it makes me sad.
25. You already told me that story three times, but what the hell.  I like you anyhow.

Well, that was certainly therapeutic.  I'm really not normally this mean, scout's honor.